In Memory of Our Babies

Luke Matthew | born 2006

Luke Matthew Child was born on March 17, 2006

Luke was the 3rd born child in our family. He has two big sisters, one little sister, and two little brothers.We were beaming with pride when we had Luke! Our beautiful, healthy, baby boy!He was born in Salt Lake City, Utah, and shortly after his arrival we packed up and moved to Irvine California.We spent two wonderful months going to Disneyland, beaches, swimming pools, and parks. Never expecting to loose our beautiful, healthy, baby boy on the morning of June 8, 2006, to SIDS.Luke lit up every day of our lives with his big smile. His sisters just adored him.His father saw his world inside his sons eyes, and well me, Lukes mom , my love felt so complete and he was right in the center of it. He was definitely a mamas boy.We have now moved back to Salt Lake, but a part of us will always be in California. We forever stay connected to friends, and other SIDS parents. 

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Hayden Riley | born 2003

I wish I would of known that September 27, 2003 was going to be your last day on earth. I never would of put you down. You will forever be my baby boy. Save a spot for us in Heaven.


My name is Rachel Strickland; I lost my son Hayden on September 27, 2003. I never thought SIDS could happen to my baby but here I am. Hayden was 58 days old and perfect. I now volunteer as peer support for families in the Temecula area in hopes that I can bring comfort to those parents who are facing a very difficult time. Please feel free to e-mail me if you need to talk. My prayers are with you and your family. You can visit Hayden’s website at: http://www.mybabymemorial.com/memorial/page/SRHH2828/index.html

"Perhaps They Are Not Stars In The Sky But Rather Openings Where Our Loved Ones Shine Down To Let Us Know They Are Happy."

We miss you. Love Daddy, Mommy, Big Brother Hunter and Lil Sister Hope.

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Kaulin Riley | born 2003

 I was a single parent raising my son Kaulin Riley. In 2003, he passed away from SIDS while he was at his babysitter's house. He was 5 1/2 months old. Kaulin was my first child and I have not yet had any subsequent children.  I live in Irvine, California 

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Ryan Joseph |Born 2005

My name is Jordy Jahn and I lost my second son Ryan Joseph to SIDS onJanuary 27th, 2006. Ryan was almostthree months old. I was very fortunate to get in contact with the Guild for Infant Survival, Orange County just days after our loss. I was immediately put in contact with a peer-support provider who was also a SIDS parent. Since first introduced to the group, I have focused my efforts on peer-support and fundraising. My goal is to continue to raise funds for research so one day SIDS will no longer take away what is most precious to our hearts, our children.

My husband David and I currently live in Mission Viejo with big brother Dylan and our subsequent daughter Natalie Faith.

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Ashley Rose | born 1993

I became a SIDS grandparent in 1993. We lost Ashley Rose Guttilla when she was almost nine months old. The Guild for Infant Survival promptly contacted my children, Jennifer and Michael. They also made contact with me. GISOC offered comfort, education, and support for all of us. I was pleasantly surprised at GISOC's attention to my needs, as I found that grandparents were silent mourners. We look out for our children and their pain, and suffer silently behind the scenes. GISOC helped me to understand that what I was going through was normal grief. They also helped me see that joy would one day creep back into our lives.


Today I am the proud "Grammy" of four grandchildren, Amber (13), Christian (9), Matthew (9) and our angel baby, Ashley Rose. The joy did come back abundantly! I live in YorbaLinda, CA, and I am a Grandparent Contact for GISOC. I am ready 24/7 to speak with any grandparent with questions or concerns. Sometimes you just need to speak with someone who has walked the same path. I find that it is an honor and a responsibility to uphold a grieving grandparent, and hope that my words will help them realize that their joy will one day reappear also. We all are changed by the loss of a child or grandchild. Our grief becomes a part of who we are now. I hope that the blessing of knowing our child, even for a short time, makes us better people. Better people who are more tolerant, patient and kind.

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Redford | born 2016

I could write a book about how wonderful my son Redford (Redd) was.  He only lived for seven weeks but those were the seven best weeks of my life.  From the moment he was placed in my arms, I knew I could never let him go.  He completed my life…my soul, and with him in my arms, I felt like I had it all, like I was finally living out my “happily ever after.”  Redd and I shared a special, intense bond which was unique and different from the bonds I shared with my other three sons.  Redd had the sweetest disposition and eyes that could light up the world. They were the biggest steel blue eyes anyone had ever seen.  I often caught him staring up at me with his big bright eyes, just beaming at me with adoration.  The feeling was mutual.  I wish I could put into words the power he had over me.  He spent the majority of his life, cradled in my arms, receiving cuddles and never ending kisses.  Ours was the greatest love story ever told.  


But then one day, everything suddenly changed.  Our story would take a drastic turn and our happily every after would come to a screeching half.  Never did I imagine that my perfect, bright eyed, sweet baby boy would lie dead in my arms.  But, this is not where Redd’s story ends, this is where his story actually begins.


On the morning of May 29, 2016, Redd woke up for his routine morning feeding.  He ate well and I cuddled him for about an hour before he fell asleep in my arms.  I put him down flat on his back for his morning nap.  Soon after he had fallen asleep, his twin brother, River, woke up crying uncontrollably.  I left the bedroom to feed River in our living room, to keep him from waking up Redd.  When I left Redd, he was sleeping peacefully.  He was safe and sound.  There was no reason for me to believe that he was in any kind of danger.  I wasn’t gone too long from Redd, but when I cam back into the room, I was horrified to discover that my perfect, seven week old baby was no longer on his back, he was lying face down on the mattress.  My heart stopped, I knew at that moment he was gone.  When I turned him over he was discolored and limp.  All I could do was hold him tightly in my arms and scream. My husband, Rayne, tried desperately to revive him, everything from mouth to mouth, to CPR but when I held my precious baby to my chest, I could feel his little soul was gone.  A mother knows her child best; I felt a part of myself die the very moment my son left me.

The days and weeks that followed Redd’s death were an absolute living hell.  My husband and I were shattered and felt completely gutted.  The pain from Redd’s loss was, hands down, the worst possible pain a human being could every suffer.  I wasn’t sure how I would be able to live without Redd and I even resented the fact that the unbearable pain did not kill me and I was forced to live on without him.  Our family didn’t know how we would ever be able to find a way out of the darkness.  What we did know was that we would never be normal again.  

Nothing made sense anymore.  We couldn’t grasp how such a happy, healthy baby could have been ripped away from us so suddenly and without any warning.  All we could do was wait and hope for an answer, a logical explanation for how we could lose such a perfect little person.
WE waited four long months before we received our son’s autopsy report.  We would have accepted any answer other than SIDS.  We just wanted to know what had  happened?  Where did we go wrong?  Because SIDS couldn’t possibly happen to people like us….we had four boys, we were veteran parents, we  knew what we were doing.  We always put our kids down on their backs to sleep.  We were extra cautious.  There were no bumpers in our kid’s cribs, no blankets to get tangled up in, no risks whatsoever.  But SIDS still happened to us.  When we finally received the autopsy report, it simply read “Cause of Death: Undetermined”.  We knew that in California that meant SIDS.  There were no underlying conditions.  Our son was a perfect, healthy baby….who just died.  That’s all there was to it.


Every hope and desperate need for an answer was squashed.  For us, “Undetermined” meant that we would be denied from having any closure—forever haunted by questions regarding his death and the never ending “what if” and “if only.”  To say we were CRUSHED is an understatement.  WE FELT SO RIPPED OFF.  A wave of grief so big crashed over me, knocking me down, sending me into a complete tailspin all the way back to day 1, that hell day… the day my baby died.  Everything we had gone through, everything we had been put through…all the incisions they made into Redd’s perfect little body, and the accusatory questioning we had undergone (in order to be ruled out as suspects in his death) all of the hell—it all felt like it was for nothing.  A “nothing” answer, just “Undetermined”.   That’s all we had to work with in trying to move forward.


I recall a Public Health Nurse who came to our home a week after Redd had died and she tried to give me SIDS literature which I abruptly refused.  My denial wouldn’t allow it.  I turned away from everyone who even tried to bring up SIDS to me.  It wasn’t until that week we received Redd’s autopsy report that I said the word SIDS out loud.  I got a call from a grief counselor whom I’d become close with.  I told her Redd’s death was labeled undetermined.  “Now what?” I asked, to which she compassionately replied, “Now you get moved and placed under the SIDS umbrella.  I never though I’d be there, nor do I particularly like being there, but I’m finding that there are so many other people with similar stories of heartbreak and loss; thousands and thousands of people and we all unfortunately share this same, huge umbrella.  Under this umbrella, I found my life purpose and am now committed more than ever to SIDS research, raising SIDS awareness and helping other SIDS families.  And finally, it was under this umbrella that I discovered the GUILD, where I have had the opportunity to meet some of the most amazing, wonderful people.  Through the GUILD I was able to find refuge and a safe place where I could connect with others.  The GUILD had been a beacon of light for me and my husband.  It was because of the love and support that I received from the GUILDMembers that I was able to take my first step forward in the healing process and have begun to navigate my way out of the darkness.


Today Redford would be 11 months old, and though his life was brief, he continues to profoundly touch people who hear his story.  I find it so amazing how one little person can have the biggest impact on so many lives.  It’s a pretty powerful thing.  Few people in this world have that kind of power…and Redd is one of them.  I am SO proud of my son.  He will always be incredibly important to me—his life mattered.  It’s ironic how 
this tiny baby, who never even got the chance to utter a single word, will now have the biggest voice through me.  I will continue to keep talking about Redd.  I will continue to keep spreading his story.  I will raise awareness on his behalf, for he did not die in vain.  As long as I live, as long as I breathe, with every beat of my heart, he will not be forgotten.

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